I guess I am starting to realize a few things about life and time.
“Better late than never.”– Someone from the early 1200s
Before recent times, I would have said that I was cursed because I am an ENFP and also a professional procrastinator. Those two things are a terrible mix if you ever want to accomplish a big task, and if you happen to also be the type of person that likes to do everything their own dang self. 😛
What of Time?
I’m starting to realize that time is limited when it comes to life. Even though I have always known this, it’s becoming something I think about more and more often. Is this what being an adult is about?
I think it is and it isn’t.
Well, I am realizing that I cannot procrastinate any longer. But if I had to be honest, I don’t know if that is because of the getting older thing, or if it’s just becoming something of a reality to me since God is revealing a lot to me lately. Don’t get me wrong, I asked for this… but now that I am “getting it”, I’m, like, GETTING IT. It’s becoming overwhelming, yet also it seems to slow things down a bit for me. You know… like in the movies when a scene suddenly goes into a slow-mo montage. Weird.
Right now, I am living exactly how I want to, and at the same time, I know I am not where I need to be. Not entirely.
What is Life?
My testimony seems pretty far from being donesies, but I often wonder what else could possibly be revealed to me in the time I have left. I don’t want to sound dark or morbid, but these are things I think about. Does our life cease to exist once we have a full testimony? And if so, then I have to admit that I am a little scared and nervous for whatever comes next.
I have seen a lot of things, and a lot of confirmation, time and time again. The secrets of the future coming to pass. Awesome inexplainable occurrences and situations resolving. I mean… it seems unfair that I can say that I have rock solid faith in what God can do in a life. I’ve seen it.
Why Mention This Stuff?
Right now, time seems to be slowing down for me in a way that I feel like I’m actually seeing more things like this is shorter, more frequent spans. Yesterday, I went to a Tuesdays Together meeting about email marketing because I didn’t feel like I was doing enough. I absolutely love these type of group settings because we can bounce ideas off each other in a super encouraging and safe space. Well, I went to see what I could be doing better, only to find out I was doing everything that was talked about or explained. It was super strange… being in a room with so many people and after every person spoke, I could say in my head: “Yep. I’m doing that.” I guess I just never thought I would ever get there.
In contrast, I feel like I haven’t done ANYTHING. Not one thing. Yes, I am just starting out with this particular endeavor, but it feels like I still have absolutely no authority in the matter at all. How can I say I’m doing all these things, yet still have nothing to show for it? I feel like I am on the lift hill of a rollercoaster. Yes. Things are scheduled. Yes. Things are created and filed. Yes. Everything is anticipating the cue…
“I feel like I am on the lift hill of a rollercoaster.”
I feel like I have so much to say and I can’t get it out fast enough.
Still, it doesn’t need to come out yet either.
I’m on the brink of something bigger than anything I have ever done. This is scary, nerve-wracking, mega exciting and I thrilling!
I think what I am trying to say is… do the thing that you think you can’t. Especially, when it comes to what you desire to see happen. I never thought I would be capable of making sense of any of my creative stuffs. I always felt like I would bounce from one thing to another without really seeing it through or making connections. Now, I can say that I see how all those things are connecting and making a big picture. “Practice makes better,” as my dad would say. Keep doing things.
So, what is your thing that seems like it has no end? What is your thing that is just beginning? Are you trying again with something else? Or picking something up where you left off a while ago?
Whatever it is… you’ve got it! And God has you if you allow him to.
Continue to seek it out.